Gluten-sensitive kid demands gluten-free party, doesn’t show up

DUFFTOWN, Ontario:      Local mother Beverly McFarlane is at a loss to explain why eight-year-old Devin Wright failed to appear at her son Jayson’s birthday party on Saturday despite concessions to demands to accommodate Devin’s extensive diet requirements. “I mean, really; I caved on every one of Devin’s mom’s requests so as not to ruin Jayson’s party after she basically harassed me on Facebook for a month,” said McFarlane, 34, “and they don’t even show up? For her sake, I better not bump into her at the ValuMart this week.”

McFarlane explained that Devin’s mother, Barbara Wright, had confronted her with a list of conditions that needed to be met before Devin would attend the party. “Apparently, he’s gluten-sensitive, or whatever,” said McFarlane. “That meant no wheat flour of any kind in anything – cookies, birthday cake, nothing. She wanted me to have my kitchen professionally cleaned to remove any ‘traces of gluten’. She even said I had to serve gluten-free beer to the adults out in the backyard. Come on.”

McFarlane initially refused and asked Wright to send Devin with his own gluten-free food. “She went berserk on me in the Post Office one day,” said McFarlane. “She lectured me about gluten peer pressure, said something about Monsanto and how gluten is deeply embedded in the colonial patriarchal food-industrial complex, handed me a copy of Wheat Belly and told me to ‘educate myself’. Jayson was crying ‘Mommy, why won’t you let Devin come to my party?’ What was I supposed to do?”

“I had the kitchen cleaned like she asked,” said McFarlane. “It cost me 500 bucks; Barbara demanded a copy of the receipt. I had carrot sticks instead of cookies, and even drove for an hour to get a quinoa and goji berry birthday cake from that hippie bakery over in East Elchies. I did everything she asked.”

On the day of the party, McFarlane received a text message from Wright saying that Devin would not be attending. “She said that she would be holding a separate party for Devin in a ‘gluten-free safe space’ so that he wouldn’t be ‘triggered’ if one of the other children snuck in a Jos Louis,” said McFarlane. “She went on about birthday parties being a social construct of an ageist hegemony, and she wouldn’t enable it with her presence.  She said that Devin had ‘made his point anyway’. I mean, for **** sake! The kid’s eight!”

When asked how the party went in Devin’s absence, McFarlane said that the kids all had a good time anyway, but that the food went untouched. “Jayson said the birthday cake tasted like dog biscuits. They were all pretty glum, but then we drove them down to the Pizza Hut in Burghead, the party atmosphere returned, and everything was fine.”

McFarlane added, “I mean, come on. She almost ruined the birthday party for everyone, and then didn’t have the nerve to show up? How would people like it if, say, someone blocked a parade and wouldn’t move until all their demands were met, and then didn’t show up for the next parade anyway? Why listen to these people?”


Reference: – Black Lives Matter not registered for this year’s Pride parade

Best wishes, and caution, to Andrew Scheer


May 28 2017

LGBTory Canada congratulates Andrew Scheer, the new leader of the Conservative Party of Canada (CPC). After a long, hard-fought, and gruelling campaign, he was elected as the new party leader yesterday in Toronto. In his victory speech, he told an enthusiastic crowd, “every single kind of conservative is welcome, and this party belongs to all of you”. These are encouraging words, and we wish Mr. Scheer good luck in achieving the ultimate goal of the CPC: forming a government in 2019.

It should be no surprise that we had reservations about Andrew Scheer as a leadership candidate. He is a social conservative who, as an MP, voted against legalizing same-sex marriage in 2005 and in 2016 voted against Bill C16, which extended civil rights and criminal code protections to transgender Canadians.

However, when questioned after delegates removed objections to same-sex marriage from the party’s policy declaration at the 2016 convention in Vancouver by a vote of 70% to 30%, Mr. Scheer stated that he would focus on issues that unite Conservatives, not divide them, and that he would not “revisit or re-open” divisive social issues.

The CPC membership, judging by the marriage vote at the Vancouver convention, mirrors the Canadian public in its support for LGBT rights. A large majority of party members, and Canadians in general, accept LGBT equality both in fact and in law.

We take Mr. Scheer at his word when he says that these issues are considered settled in this country, and that a government under his leadership will not revisit them.

We extend a hand of friendship to Mr. Scheer in his new role as leader, and offer to work with him to act as a bridge between the CPC and the LGBT community. We will continue to advocate in the CPC for LGBT people. However, we will be vigilant and will not hesitate to call him out when we feel that the CPC’s actions or policies are a threat to LGBT equality.

Although social conservatives are claiming responsibility for Mr. Scheer’s victory, we are encouraged by his promise to focus on the issues that unite the party, not divide it. We, like all Conservatives, share Mr. Scheer’s commitment to such goals as a strong economy, balanced budgets, lower taxes, eliminating obstacles to entrepreneurship and business growth, personal freedom and responsibility, and a robust foreign policy that confronts threats to Canadians.

Regarding his social conservative support, he said during the leadership campaign, “if social conservatives have 50 things they are wanting to accomplish, maybe 30 of them would be divisive and wouldn’t enjoy broad-based support in our own caucus. So, let’s work on the other 20.”

Indeed. Let’s work together on issues that all Conservatives, including those from the LGBT community, can support. There is much to be done.

LGBTory Canada


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